Taking Care of Me

Nov 29, 2021

I will never forget the therapist who said to me:

“If you grew up being made to feel like a piece of shit, it’s no wonder you’ve struggled to take proper care of yourself-

Why would you be motivated to take good care of a piece of shit?”

Those words so skillfully balanced the firm harshness I needed in that moment with a deep, compassionate witnessing.

I think about those words almost every day.

I think about those words when I am choosing to either embrace or shy away from my life.

I think about those words in the way I choose to nourish myself with food, movement, joy, rest, and pleasure.

I think about them in the way I show up with others.

And I think about the child who was never allowed to know themselves, who lost so much of their identity, who was taught to sell themselves out for the benefit of others.

Every time I choose to take care of myself, and to not sell myself out- I grow into the adult I was supposed to become so many years ago.

In a small yet visceral way it feels like revenge against all the people, all of the forces that ever tried to keep me small.

In a much bigger way, it feels like stepping up to take on what life has in store for me. Taking my place in this time, on this planet, among these others I’ve co-incarnated with to face down the daunting and unprecedented challenges of our time.

In shedding the old belief that I’m a piece of shit not worthy of care, not to be trusted in wielding my personal agency, I feel as if I am shedding a whole world.

I am just one but stepping fully into myself I see the endless possibilities of humanity.

I can envision a world where all have stepped fully into themselves, and I feel certain that we will accomplish amazing things.