Nothing will take your ability to heal, grow, and be the person you want to be further than making peace with yourself as a human being who does fucked up human being things.
Most do not have the fortitude to face this in themselves and they pay dearly for it, spending all of their energy finding ways to be a victim, to paint other people as bad and worse than them, spinning in circles in their head at night trying to find that shred of internal narrative that makes them feel like a good person when they know deep down they haven’t been aligned with their own integrity.
Nothing about this lack of fortitude is inherent or indicative of character though. I truly believe it’s a matter of perspective, and mustering enough bravery to push past the initial fear.
Going back to moments you’re not proud of and mapping yourself.
Was I really just triggered or was I trying to intimidate that person into agreeing with me/soothing me?
Did I crack that sarcastic joke about them in front of all those people because I was ‘just kidding? Or did I want to embarrass them and make myself look smart and cool?
Did I really ghost that person because they’re toxic? Or was I just rationalizing my fear of confrontation and failure to validate myself enough to treat them properly?
Examples can range from even more mundane to even more sinister, but your success in laying your shame to rest and showing up as the person you want to be depends on your ability to get off the hamster wheel of trying to justify your behavior and moving towards accepting yourself and your motives honestly and fully for exactly what they were.
It becomes so much easier to repair your self-worth and the important relationships in your life when acting in fairly typical, albeit undignified human ways is something you can face in yourself.