Some time ago I made the decision to stop chasing others, no matter how much I liked them or wanted to be friends with them.
Figuring out how to discern my part in things and get in touch with my integrity was crucial in actually committing to this.
Things like knowing I’ve been clear in my interest-sharing my phone number with them, reaching out, offering care, being honest about how I feel about them, etc.
Sometimes if the chasing urge is in relation to a connection that’s been broken, it’s meant sitting with what’s important in the situation and being very honest about that.
When I know that I’ve acted in alignment with myself, it’s much easier to allow the responsibility for the other side of the dynamic to fall where it belongs:
In the other person’s court.
It’s easier to accept that the lack of effort or reciprocation isn’t
something personal to me, that it’s a decision they have made/are making-the details of which I may never know anything about. That has to be okay because the courage, authenticity, will, or effort of another person will never be in my control.
It also helps me
understand that anything else I try to do will be forcing something in a way that doesn’t actually get me any closer to the connection or clarity I’m seeking.
I get the peace of knowing I was true to myself and I don’t stoop myself to behavior that feels degrading to me.
It’s a bit scary to make a commitment like this, it means sitting with fears that no one will ever be as invested, that other people’s judgements of you hold some secret key to why you’re inherently unworthy of mutually caring connections.
But the beauty is that it opens up space for people who DO reciprocate your enthusiasm, people who see you and value you.
And more importantly than that you are rooting the connections you do make in a foundation of self-respect.