We Aren’t Experts on Ourselves

Oct 26, 2021

The idea that we know ourselves better than anyone else is comforting because it soothes our ego.

It helps us dismiss feedback from others that disturbs our concept of ourselves as good and well intentioned people who never do anything bad or hurt others intentionally in any way.

The problem with it is that it isn’t true.

Our brains are experts at twisting information to fit the narrative that makes us feel the most comfortable, that helps us avoid unpleasant truths about ourselves.

We are all so invested in a need to believe we are good that we can’t see what will make us free.

We become free when we realize that we don’t need to be good, because we are worthy being complex and whole.

To be human is to be multifaceted- a small dictator desperate to control the world around them as we seek safety and security, and a force of love and benevolence all at once.

And since we are experts at filtering our self-image in our favor, and we are constantly mapping others at the same time- the reality is that there are things that others will see in us that we desperately do not want to see for ourselves.

When we loosen our grip on wanting to be seen as “good” we can open ourselves up to being seen as we really are.

It can feel nice to be seen in a positive light, but it is liberating to be seen and accepted in our complex wholeness.

And grounding ourselves in acceptance of this complex wholeness creates the conditions we need to make better choices for ourselves and our relationships.