January 27, 2022
It is one thing to say “I don’t require agreement or sameness to be close to others” but it is something else entirely to practice it.
Holding values around diversity in all its forms does not magically translate to personal resilience in the face of conflict and disagreement.
Conflict and disagreement are difficult, no matter how much work you have done to better tolerate it. The more you practice the easier it will get in some circumstances, but conflict is often about things that are dear, vulnerable, and personal to us. It is completely normal and human to be frustrated, offended, and even angry with the person you are disagreeing with.
The goal is not to feel nothing when you disagree with others. The goal is to feel what you feel but stay in grounded touch with the humanity of the other, and most importantly in interpersonal circumstances, to remember your connection to them.
Sometimes these conflicts may cause us to rub up against ourselves- what are we insecure about? Are we uncertain about our position and need to reassess if it’s true for us? Do we feel pressure to change a position that still feels correct for us?
Confront yourself and come to what is solid in you. By holding onto this in ourselves, it becomes much easier to let go of judgement, to accept the other, and allow everyone to be exactly where they are.
In this process we also invite others to confront their own positions and insecurities.